Christian Marriage

Chapter one – Authority of Christ.

This is a study on a Christian marriage. If you have not experienced the saving love of Jesus, much of this study will not make sense to you. For you, I would encourage you to start this study in chapter eight, which lays a foundation of understanding Christianity.
Marriage is the building block of society, nations, and every part of life. However, a good marriage cannot have two leaders, this study will look at God’s view of leadership in marriage, and how the husband, and his wive can improve their marriage.

What makes a good leader? We can debate many theories, but it helps to look at the lives of great leaders from history to find clues of their leadership techniques. And there is no greater example that we can learn from than that of Jesus Christ, God the Son, King of Kings, Lord of Lords.
1Ti 6:15 Which in his times he shall shew, who is the blessed and only Potentate, the King of kings, and Lord of lords; Rev 17:14

He is the perfect example of a leader, and from His life we can learn how He lead, and how we should lead. Fortunately for us we have ample evidence and testimony from His life to guide us today. From Him we learn that a person’s right to lead comes from the authority that has been given to Him. It wasn’t self bestowed, and it did not come from any charisma, wealth, beauty, or power that He possessed.

• Charisma
As for charisma, we see that He did not have the type of charisma that would sway the masses, for Christ was rejected by many of the people of His own country.
Isa 53:3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Joh 6:2 And a great multitude followed him, because they saw his miracles which he did on them that were diseased.
Joh 5:41, Jn 6:26, Mt 8:34, Mt 13:57

• Christ as a man, had little or no money of His own.
2Cor 8:9 For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich.
Mat 8:20 And Jesus saith unto him, The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.

• He had no beauty.
Isa 53:2 For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.

• He was not self promoting.
Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
2 Cor 10:1, Phi 2:7,8

• He had no power given to Him by the religious or secular powers of His day.
Luk 20:2 And spake unto him, saying, Tell us, by what authority doest thou these things? or who is he that gave thee this authority?
Luk 23:10 And the chief priests and scribes stood and vehemently accused him.
Far from receiving any power or authority from the leaders of His time, He was mocked, persecuted, scorned, by both the religious and secular leaders all of His life.

• He did not claim any self granted authority of His own.
Jn 5:19 Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise.
Jn 5:30 I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me.
The husband cannot grant himself the position of head of the home, neither can the wife give herself that authority. But without some form of leadership the family will be adrift. Democracy cannot work, any disagreement would result in two different votes, resulting in a stalemate and no further progress.

Leadership is given, not earned.
Leadership can only be given by those who have the right or the authority to give it, and it can be removed at their pleasure. The President Of the United States does not need any training to hold his office, which includes being the commander of all the military of the United States. In fact he doesn’t even have to have served in the military. He is given his office by people electing him to that office, which is sometimes no more than a popularity contest. On the other hand a person who wants to be an officer in the military, does require extensive training, and then even with that training he is given his position only by the whims of the higher authority of the military. And yet trained military officers have to submit to the higher authority of the untrained President.
The day the President leaves his office he loses his authority to lead both the nation and the military. So his leadership ability is tied to his office, it does not come from having a “presence “, or having extraordinary wisdom. He will find that the military that once jumped to obey his command the day before, will now consider his commands merely a suggestion. The power he had the day before to steer the great ship of state is now limited to a single vote and whatever change he can achieve with his popularity.

All authority comes from God the Father
Rom 13:1 Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
Rom 13:2 Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.
Col 1:16 For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him:

Kings, presidents, rulers, judges receive their authority from God
Dan 2:21 And he changeth the times and the seasons: he removeth kings, and setteth up kings: he giveth wisdom unto the wise, and knowledge to them that know understanding:
Pro 8:15,16
Pastors receive their authority to be a leader of their church from God.
Act 20:28 Take heed therefore unto yourselves, and to all the flock, over the which the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the church of God, which he hath purchased with his own blood.

• Christ’s authority came directly from God.
Christ did not claim that His authority came from any action on His part. He claimed that His authority was granted or authorized by the only Person who could give that authority, namely, God the Father.
Heb 2:8 Thou hast put all things in subjection under his feet. For in that he put all in subjection under him, he left nothing [that is] not put under him. But now we see not yet all things put under him.
Jn 5:26-27 For as the Father hath life in himself; so hath he given to the Son to have life in himself; And hath given him authority to execute judgment also, because he is the Son of man.
Mt 17:5, Acts 2:36, Col 1:18, 1Pet 3:22, Jn 5:36-37

• He demonstrated that God Himself had given Him the authority to be a leader by fulfilling old testament prophecy.
Acts 2:22 Ye men of Israel, hear these words; Jesus of Nazareth, a man approved of God among you by miracles and wonders and signs, which God did by him in the midst of you, as ye yourselves also know:
Joh 14:11 Believe me that I am in the Father, and the Father in me: or else believe me for the very works’ sake.
Jn 5:36,37, Lk 7:20-22

• Nature accepted His authority.
Mat 8:27 But the men marvelled, saying, What manner of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey him!
Mt 14:25 And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.

• His followers accepted His authority.
Mt 16:16 And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God.
Jn 1:49 Nathanael answered and saith unto him, Rabbi, thou art the Son of God; thou art the King of Israel.
Jn 11:27 She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world.
Jn 1:34 And I saw, and bare record that this is the Son of God.
Jn. 4:42,

• Satan rejects Christ’s authority.
Satan encourages the unsaved to rebel against Christ’s authority, and he does not want you to recognize the authority that He has given to others. He was defeated at Calvary.
2Co 4:4 In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.
Jn 12:40

Chapter Two – Chain of command

We have seen that leadership is not earned, or deserved, but rather it is given by someone who has a position of higher authority, and has the right to give it to others. In this case it is God Himself, the Highest authority, Who appoints those He wants to be in a position of leadership to that position. He has what we know as a “chain of command” which is like an organizational chart of just who receives authority from what source. In God’s chain of command He starts with the family unit, the building block of all society;
1 Corinthians 11:3: But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

God’s chain of command:
• God The Father:
The Father, is at the top, the ultimate source of all authority.
Joh 14:28 Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.
• God The Son:
Although as part of the Godhead, and equal to the Father in every sense: Jn 1:1,5:18, Jesus willingly submits to the Father. He, the Father, has given the jurisdiction to Jesus to be under Him.
Eph 1:20 Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places,
Eph 1:21 Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:
• The husband:
And under Jesus, God has given authority to the husband to be the head of the wife and the home.
Col 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
• The wife:
Equal to her husband as a fellow believer; Gal 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
And yet while equal to her husband, in submission to God, she puts herself under the authority of her husband.
And as Christ gave authority to His disciples, (Luk 9:1), and the husband has the right to give authority to the wife in her dealing with their children,
• The children: the children have no authority while they are young.
The president is known as the head of the country, Christ is the Head of the church. It is a position of leadership.

Eph 5:22-24 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Let’s break down this verse.
“Wives, submit yourselves”, your husband has the position of leadership in the home, given to him by the Father. Your responsibility is to allow him to lead.
“unto your own husbands,”, this extra level of submission is just toward your own husband, and it does not extend to all men.
“As unto the Lord”
A police officer, or a judge is appointed to represent the government of your county, state, or nation, and he has been given the authority to enforce the laws of said government. In the same way, your husband represents God’s authority. When he tells you to do something, he has the authority of God behind him to give you that order. Just as Christ spoke with all the authority of the Father, so your husband has that same authority given to him by the very same source.
“For the husband is the head of the wife”
This is where God’s chain of command comes into play.
1 Corinthians 11:3: But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
1Pe 3:1, 1Co 14:34, 1Co 14:35
“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands ” This submission is illustrated by the example of Christ commanding His bride, the church. This verse is clearly stating that wives should pattern their responsibilities in marriage after the example of the church (the Bride of Christ). Can the church disobey a command from her Bridegroom without being in sin? The obvious answer would of course be no. This again, only applies to your husband, not all men.
Eph 1:22 And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church,

Just as we look at our own fathers and form an image of God the Father, here the apostle Paul says that we can look at our wife and see an image of the church and her submission to her Bridegroom. You are a living lesson to your husband and your children on how to submit to God by how you submit to your husband. Do you want your husband to completely submit to Christ? He is looking at you for a living example. Your life is what the church’s submission to Christ is supposed to look like to him. Do you want your husband to acknowledge that all that he has comes from God? Your husband is watching your life to see if you are giving him authority over your finances.

“in everything” In everything means exactly what it says, everything. A broader explanation is found in chapter five, but their are a few exceptions. (see chapter seven).

In summary, because Christ has given the husband the authority to be the head of his wife, as seen above, it follows that the wife will have to submit to her husband’s authority, unless she willingly disobeys God’s clear command.

Chapter three – Learning leadership.

Your husband learns to be a good leader by you actually allowing him to lead. Your submission, or lack thereof will determine whether your husband will develop any leadership skills, and this is instrumental in determining the quality of his leadership ability.

Can leadership be taught in a classroom, or by reading a book ? Perhaps a small amount might make sense . As an example, In driver education classes, some material is taught in a classroom, but it is not until you are sitting behind the steering wheel of a car that you really learn how to drive. Imagine getting behind the steering wheel of a car the first day of driver’s education, stepping on the gas pedal and it sometimes applies the gas, or sometimes it applies the brakes. The steering wheel may or may not turn the car in the direction you want to go, or it might just honk the horn.

Do you blame the driver, and say that he just needs to have more classroom lessons? That guy in our illustration would just wind up just parking the car and never really learning to drive. In the same way the husband with an unsubmissive wife will never really gain any confidence in his leadership ability. This is because leadership isn’t the real problem, God has already given him that. It is the lack of your obedience to him which is the real root of the problem. Leadership can not really be learned until you have someone who recognizes that you have the authority to lead and is willing to follow your lead.
Can you use a computer program that always changes how you use it, without letting you know where on the screen the new inputs are placed?

In my time spent in the military, I noticed that a good leader was a person who assumed and relied on the obedience of his troops. A poor leader never seem to have confidence that his troops would follow his orders. Most of the time the highest ranking Sargent under the officer set the tone for respect and obedience to him, making him a good or bad leader. This concept extends to every organized event.

Only the members of the orchestra respond to the baton. Only the members of the choir sing when the director moves his hands. The sports team members hear many comments from the sidelines, but obey the voice of their coach. The point is that it is the obedience to the leader that produces beautiful music, or a winning team. Each team member playing the way he or she thinks is best, produces chaos. The maestro, choir director, or sports team coach only look good by the submission of his group to the leadership of the person in charge.

It is very common in a marriage with an wife who chooses not to be submissive, to have a wide range of responses from the husband to deal with her rebellion. These responses range from the one extreme of completely giving up, and yielding all authority to the wife, to the other extreme of physically dominating her, even leading to wife abuse, verbally or physically beating her to get her to submit to his authority.
But the majority of the time a husband will eventually settle for neither yielding to her authority nor trying to force his authority on her. He will just determine to live in the same house, sharing some of the household chores, splitting the household bills, having relations once in awhile when he can, but he will not take the responsibility of leadership. Often the wife will gladly accept this arrangement of equality, only to find out later in life that she has the extra burden and cost of children added to her share of the household duties and financial load. We see this in the complaints of the wives as to the unfair distributions of household chores and money later in her marriage, yet when she stands before her Creator who told her to submit what will she say?

As mentioned, your willingness as a wife to submit to your husband’s leadership is key to the quality of leadership that he develops, and the quality of his leadership at home is the foundation for any potential leadership position in the church.

The qualification for a deacon;
1Ti 3:11 Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things.
1Ti 3:12 Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.

The qualification for a pastor or bishop;
1Ti 3:4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
1Ti 3:5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)

Chapter four – The husband patterns his leadership after Christ the Bridegroom.
• The husband as spiritual leader of the family.

The husband is recognized by God to be the final word in the spiritual matters of the family.
Num 30:12 But if her husband hath utterly made them void on the day he heard them; then whatsoever proceeded out of her lips concerning her vows, or concerning the bond of her soul, shall not stand: her husband hath made them void; and the LORD shall forgive her.
Num 30:13 Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it, or her husband may make it void.
1Co 7:39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

• The wife is to receive doctrinal training from her husband.
1Tim2:11-12 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection . But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
1Co 14:34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. 1Co 14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

She allows her husband to learn to be the spiritual leader of the family by allowing him to find answers to her spiritual questions. Learning Biblical doctrine from her husband means that both spouses will have no doctrinal differences to cause strife in their marriage. You will notice that she does not even try to go around his teaching by asking questions of the leaders of the church that her husband approves of. She asks her husband, and if he knows, he looks good. If he doesn’t know, he will be the one to seek out the answers. Should she disagree with his answers, she gives it to the Lord to teach her husband the right answers in His own time.

Picture a husband with a wife who daily pursues a deeper understanding of scriptures from him.
1. It forces him to study, (men like to provide answers).
2. He grows comfort with the scriptures.
3. He gains preparation to handle questions from the lost.
4. He gains preparation to teach, say a Sunday school class.
5. He is better prepared to detect false teaching.
6. It aids his leadership in every area, including his marriage and the church.
A wife can also help her children to ask biblical questions of their father, the wife helping him to gear down the answers to their level.
It is important for her not to usurp authority over her husband. For God communicates to the wife through the husband, the spiritual leader of the family.
As an example, while serving in the military, I never had a high ranking officer like a general personally give me orders. Orders were always delivered through the chain of command. Yet the orders that I received were given with all the authority of the commanding officer that issued them.

God also leads the wife through His chain of command, using the spiritual leader of the family which is your husband. The Holy Spirit works through your husband in his prayer, studying, teaching, and expounding the Word to his wife, leading you both to know God’s will and direction. The Holy Spirit will not go around God’s chain of command to reveal His will directly to the wife. So the wife who wants to know what God’s will is for her life will honor the authority of her husband, and seek God’s leading through him.
The wife can still read God’s Word and hear Him speak, she can still pray and talk to her heavenly Father, but the Spirit will lead through the husband.
Can a wife be directed by the Spirit without the husband? We look to the example of Moses who was the leader of the Israelis, to see how God handled the challenge of His appointed leader, several times his leadership was questioned.
Num 12:2 And they said, Hath the LORD indeed spoken only by Moses? hath he not spoken also by us? And the LORD heard it.
Num 16:3 And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the LORD?

They all believed in God, worshipped Him, what gave Moses any more right for leadership than they had. God had given Moses the position of leadership, that was the difference.
Num 16:11 For which cause both thou and all thy company are gathered together against the LORD: and what is Aaron, that ye murmur against him?
They challenged the leadership of this meek man named Moses, but the bible says that in reality they gathered together against the LORD, and if you read the context of that passage you will see that the consequences of refusing to follow his leadership was severe. The wife should not try to go around God’s chain of command.

We are to follow Christ’s example.
1Pe 2:21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving
us an example, that ye should follow his steps:
• Men are to lead with love.
Husbands are to follow the example of Christ as the Bridegroom, and learn from Him, how He deals with His bride in love. You should be willing to put her needs over your own.
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
7. • Love sacrifices
8. Eph 5:2 And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.
2Cor 8:9 For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich.
Eph 5:25, Jn 15:13
Having control of the families finances it is tempting to spend freely on yourself. Christ sacrificed his own desires, leaving all the glories and riches of heaven to provide for the believer, leaving us an example as husbands to follow.

• Love nourishes
9. Christ nourished His own, He is the good Shepherd. So husbands likewise should nourish their own wives. You have the responsibly to work, pay the bills, provide the money for the needs of the family.
Eph 5:28-29 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

• Love does what is best for the wife even though she may not want it.
Peter didn’t want his companion, friend, mentor, and teacher to go to His death, but Jesus knew what was best for his disciple. And Christ knew that what Peter really needed was a Savior. For Him to be that Savior, He had to die. Peter didn’t understand, but Christ did, because the Father had revealed that truth to Him in His position as a leader. As a leader, the husband is wise to do what is best for your wife even if it may not be what she wants.
Mt 16:21-22 From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day. Then Peter took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee.
The wife may ask for a nicer house or a fancy car, but it may be better not to go into debt for such a purchase. Wisdom may say to delay or deny such a purchase even though she may really want it.

• Love demonstrates authority.
Mar 1:22 And they were astonished at his doctrine: for he taught them as one that had authority, and not as the scribes.
Mat 11:1 And it came to pass, when Jesus had made an end of commanding his twelve disciples, he departed thence to teach and to preach in their cities.
• Love edifies
2Co 10:8 For though I should boast somewhat more of our authority, which the Lord hath given us for edification, and not for your destruction, I should not be ashamed:
God has placed the husband as the head of the home. He will hold him accountable for the actions of his family.

• The husband has God’s authority to be the final word.
Num 30:13 Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it, or her husband may make it void.
Luk 7:8-9 For I also am a man set under authority, having under me soldiers, and I say unto one, Go, and he goeth; and to another, Come, and he cometh; and to my servant, Do this, and he doeth it. When Jesus heard these things, he marvelled at him, and turned him about, and said unto the people that followed him, I say unto you, I have not found so great faith, no, not in Israel.
The husband has that authority, but he also has the responsibility for the spiritual health of his wife and children. He will have to stand before his Head one day and give an account of the things his family does. His wife will have to stand before God and give account of her submission to her head.
Heb 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.
Num 30:14 But if her husband altogether hold his peace at her from day to day; then he establisheth all her vows, or all her bonds, which are upon her: he confirmeth them, because he held his peace at her in the day that he heard them.
Num 30:15 But if he shall any ways make them void after that he hath heard them; then he shall bear her iniquity.
1Sa 3:13 For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.

• Love leads by example.
1Pe 5:3 Neither as being lords over God’s heritage, but being ensamples to the flock.
1Ti 4:12 Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.
Christ wants us to serve, so He served. He wants us to give so He gave. Jesus lead by love, and He wants us to lead with love.

• Love leads with humility.
1Pe 5:5 Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.

• Love tries to explain most actions.
Mt 16:21 From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day.
Before telling your wife what to do. Explain what you would like her to do, and seeking her counsel, since she is your help meet, and your greatest asset. When you try to explain what actions you can, your spouse hopefully will understand if you don’t have time, or you lack the words to explain other actions. But God made you the leader, so after you consider her counsel, you have to make the final decision and you have to take responsibility for the results of that decision.

Chapter five – The wife patterns her submission after the Church, the bride of Christ.

We have seen that the husband has been given the role of leadership in his marriage from God. The wife likewise have been given a role in the marriage relationship from God in which is that she is to be in submission to her husband’s leadership. God has commanded the wife to submit to her husband’s authority.
1Pe 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

And while that all is true, in a strange sense the wife is showing leadership. Men are weak in relationships, and that is where women excel. As mentioned before we model our concept of God the Father, by observing our own fathers. We model our concept of how to be a Christian (the Bride of Christ) by how our mother relates to our father, and how our wives relate to us as husbands. Men are visual, but as a male it is a completely foreign concept for him to relate to Christ as being a part of the “bride of Christ”, which sounds female to us. He tries to understand this concept by watching how you relate to him as his bride. By modeling the bride of Christ and submitting to your husband, you are the instructor. You are teaching both your husband, and your children, by how you live your life, how to fulfill their role as part of the bride of Christ, and you are showing them how Christ expects his bride(the church) to relate to Him.
Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Let’s expand on the term “everything”.
• Submitting your body.
God wants you to give your body to your spouse.
1Co 7:4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
You will notice that this submission of your body goes far beyond just letting your spouse just have access to your body, it gives full power or control of your body to your mate.

God wants your body to bring honor your head.
1Co 11:4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head.
1Cor 11:5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with [her] head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.
1Cor 11:15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for [her] hair is given her for a covering.
Both men and women can honor or dishonor their head by the length of their hair. Wives should let her husband determine just what long means when it comes to your hair length.

• Submit your finances to your head.
When you submit to the Lord, you understand that all we have comes from Him, it all belongs to Him, and that He has allowed us to use those resources as His stewards. He can remove those resources at His pleasure because they belong to Him.
1Co 4:7 For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it?
Ecc 5:19 Every man also to whom God hath given riches and wealth, and hath given him power to eat thereof, and to take his portion, and to rejoice in his labour; this is the gift of God.
1Ti 6:7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.
Job 1:21

In the same manner, when you submit your finances to your husband, does he just get to have the last word, or will you give him full control. Just like we are stewards of the money that God has lent us. You, as his wife are your husband’s steward. Treat all of your money as though it belongs to your husband. You then tell him your wants and needs, and allow him to be the one who will supply those needs. You are modeling the Bride of Christ giving your family a living example of how they should ask the Father to supply all of your families needs and rely on His provision.

By allowing your husband be the financial leader of the family, you are helping him to learn how to be a better leader in every area. By learning to take responsibility for his financial decisions, he will see that it is his responsibility to provide for the needs of the family. His actions and decisions can result in poverty or plenty. By submitting all your financial life to your husband, you are allowing him to be able to display sacrificial love. Finally you no longer have to worry about unpaid or late bills, that is his responsibility, that weight is now all upon his shoulders.
By her fully submitting her finances to her husband, just like the church submits her finances to Christ, she is showing both him and your children a visual example of just how giving to God is supposed to be done. Likewise your husband can be a visual example of just how God provides.
Jn 14:13-14 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If ye shall ask any thing in my name. I will do [it.]

• Submit your time.
Psa 31:15 My times are in thy hand: deliver me from the hand of mine enemies, and from them that persecute me.

• Submit your children.
Children are a gift from God, on loan for us to train.
Psa 127:3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

Christ gave authority to His disciples, (Luk 9:1), and the husband has the right to give authority to the wife in her dealing with their children, just how to raise your children is his decision. But the temptation to pour all your love and time into your children is very tempting. Having a baby that is completely helpless and totally dependent on you, it is easy to focus all your time and energy into his care, and that time and energy has to come from your time with him.
Your husband may understand his neglect for a short time, but when it extends to school age and beyond it grows stale. I have seen women proclaim their love for her children is so great that if they were to choose between one last breath and her children, they would use that last breath to tell her children how much she loved them. And yet her attitude toward her husband was barely better than that of a bum.

• Pursue your husband.
Everybody wants to be pursued, even God Himself wants us to pursue Him ;
Jer 29:13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
Your husband also wants to be pursued, and what comes easy for him (God filled him up with testosterone), is something you have to work on. If your pursuit of him is “lukewarm”, your relationship will suffer.
Rev 3:15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.
Rev 3:16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

• Submit to build up your husband.
God wants you to build up your spouse. A wise woman encourages her husband and works to build him up, rather than tear him down, especially in front of others.
Pro 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Pro 31:12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Pro 31:26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
Most men have fragile egos. Praising his positive attributes, encouraging his good actions, promotes his growth, what you water and feed will grow.
Your husband wants to listen to your advice, and I am sure that you want to have your input too. The best way for you to get your advice ignored by him, is for him to think that you are either:

• Challenging his leadership. You are then an adversary.

• Not advising him out of kindness. Is your advice for his good, or to inflict pain.
Always being negative.
Sometimes you can teach him through your life of submission things that he may not hear from his pastor’s message, his own devotions, or even your preaching at him.

1Pe 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
Please note that “obey not the word” could mean that he is unsaved, or it could also mean that he is saved, but not living for Christ. They “may be won” without you preaching at them, but simply living a submissive lifestyle, “the conversation” and as a result be brought back to living for the Savior.
Can a husband live in rebellion to Christ even with a godly example from his wife, very definitely yes. And is a husband responsible for his own actions even if his wife isn’t being submissive, also very definitely yes.

• God wants you to teach others.
There is a responsibility for older women in the faith to teach younger women. Things about love, and their responsibility to their husbands, children, and their home. These women don’t necessarily need to be older physically, but do need to be spiritually mature.
Tit 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that [they be] in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, [To be] discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

• Submission and holiness are linked.
1Pet 3:5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
What an amazing verse, here we see the testimony of the women from the old testament.

1. “the holy women”
They are noted as being “holy”
2. “who trusted in God,”
These women are also defined by their trust in God. In other words, they were godly women.
3. “being in subjection unto their own husbands:”
The bible says that they can be identified by their being in subjection to their own husbands. This implies that women of the old testament who refused to submit to their own husbands, either did not trust in God, or were not holy. I can find no other interpretation. Please do not claim to be a holy, godly woman, and yet fight your husband for the leadership of your family.
These women are fulfilling the principles found in Titus 2:3-5 of teaching others with their lives.

The bottom line.
God wants us to pursue Him, and your husband has that same desire from you.
Pro 8:17 I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me.
Jer 29:13 And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
God wants us as believers to pursue Him first, and because of our love for him we will want to obey Him.
Joh 14:15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
Joh 14:21 He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.
Joh 15:10 If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.
If you have no desire to obey your husband, you should question your love for him, and you should also question your love for God.
2Co 2:8 Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him.
2Co 2:9 For to this end also did I write, that I might know the proof of you, whether ye be obedient in all things.

A good mother serves her baby out of love, she does not have to be told to serve.

Chapter six – Marriage

First Corinthians chapter seven could be called the marriage chapter, it gives:
10. The reason for it.
11. The responsibilities you have when you are in this relationship.
12. It covers the benefits of marriage, just who should get married.
13. Those who would be better off not getting married.
14. It even covers the subject of divorce.

Why marry.
Here the apostle Paul states that when it comes to marriage, he personally would prefer to remain single. He explains that the reason why he would prefer to remain single is that he wants to be able to devote all of his time and energy in service to God, and to not have to divert any of that time and energy on the responsibility that having a spouse brings.
1Co7:32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
He also recommends that you too stay single, devoting all of your time and energy in service to God, as long as you do not have a problem with controlling your sexual urges.
1 Corinthians 7:8-9 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

The apostle gives just one reason why you should get married, and that is that you have difficulties with sexual temptations. Should you have those type of temptations, he would recommend that you do get married, giving yourself a God sanctioned way to deal with the temptations that you face instead of exposing yourself to Satan and his oppression.
1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
Mt 19:10-12

Commitment in marriage.
When you get married you not only are seeking a path to deal with your own sexual temptations, you also are making a commitment to meet the sexual needs of your spouse. Giving both of you a God granted way to control your sexual urges.
1Co 7:2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

This commitment to meet the sexual needs of the person that you are marrying is made before God, and it is an actual contract known as a marriage contract. This contract is originated by, and blessed by God, signed by you, witnessed by your pastor, your friends and family. God declared it to be for life.
Mar 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Matt. 19:6

The definition of fraud is cheating someone out of something that rightfully belongs to another person. As an example, if you offer to repair a roof for a certain price, you establish a contract, either verbal or written. And if you then receive the money to repair that roof, but fail to fix it, that is fraud. It really is called stealing or theft.
1 Cor 7:5: Defraud ye not one the other, except [it be] with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

In this case, seeing how a person marries to avoid sexual fornication as found in verse two, and he or she is promising to be the one who will meet their partners sexual needs, that is the contract that you are making with your spouse. To then deny your spouse, your willingness to satisfy their sexual needs, that is the definition of fraud. That is cheating them of something that rightfully belongs to them, promised by you, and your failure to satisfy that contract is leading them to be directly tempted by Satan, leading to the desire for sexual sin.

Here the apostle Paul says that there is just one good reason to avoid meeting your spouse’s sexual needs, and that is to temporarily take time to spend in fasting and prayer. Now fasting is the abstinence of food for at least one day, or maybe more. This is also not your normal type of prayer but the type Jesus told the disciples they needed to remove demons.
Mat 17:19 Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out?
Mat 17:21 Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.

So to give my interpretation of this verse, it would state that any day that you eat food (i.e. You are not fasting), you should try to satisfy your spouse’s sexual needs. Refusing to try to meet your spouse’s sexual needs daily will lead to direct Satanic temptation; “that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”.
This is the only place in the scriptures that I know of that reveals that an inaction on your part will guarantee Satanic influence on someone else. This temptation may be removed temporarily by resisting Satan as found in James:
Jas 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
But that escape from temptation will be very temporary, and until marital relations are restored, you, or your spouse will still have unfulfilled desires pressuring his thoughts, seeing that marriage was God’s only plan to escape sexual temptation.
1Co 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

What should a person do if his spouse refuses to meet his physical needs? He has to turn it over to God. If one spouse defrauds the other, God says that He will provide the discipline.
1Th 4:6 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.
Your spouse will be in rebellion to God, should she defraud her marriage vow, so He will handle the discipline. I believe that many Christians are defrauding their spouses, as seen by the surge of adultery and the explosion of porn, even among the leadership of the church. Should marital relations be maintained daily between the spouses as God has directed, it would greatly reduce, or in most cases eliminate sexual sins in the church.

So to summarize, God designed marriage as a way to deal with sexual temptations. Ideally you have a man who needs a way to handle his temptations, meets a woman who needs to deal with her own temptations. They find that God has a contract that they can create between themselves, called marriage to deal with those temptations. The problem is that when one spouse has sexual temptations, and goes to their spouse, who don’t have temptations at that time, and doesn’t see the need to meet the needs of the spouse fighting temptation, telling that spouse to wait until “date night”.
What is the spouse with needs to do if they can’t satisfy their needs the God sanctioned way? There is no other way. Satan finds fertile ground in this scenario.

Wives as help meets.
My belief is that God has not only given your husband the authority of leadership in the family but He will equip your husband with the ability to be the leader of you and your family, and He will use you in that process if you will allow it. Likewise God created and equipped women as help-meets, the one who will assist him in his Christian growth. You are created and gifted to help him in areas that he is deficient in.
Gen 2:18: And the Lord God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. The wife was created to meet all of the needs of the husband, mentally, physically and sexually.

• Mentally,
Many husbands have demanding, stressful jobs, and to have someone to whom he can completely relax with, who is seeking to build him up, is like an oasis for the mind.
• Physically,
Long walks, long talks.
• Sexually,
Pro 27:20 Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.
Your husband, like most men, has eyes that are never satisfied, and he needs your help to meet that need. If you don’t meet that need for him, he will eventually try fill it some other way. If you don’t fill his eyes he will fill them either through porn or he will find other women who are willing to meet his needs.

Pro 5:18-19 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
You are to be there to let your body satisfy his physical needs, your breasts have to be available to him “at all times”, to be able to satisfy him, and your love is to “ravish him”

Chapter seven – What if?
What if my husband tells me to commit a crime?
You should always obey the higher law. Any order that violates a higher law is one that you can and should refuse. We are suppose to obey the government, but if the government tells a physician to abort a baby, that doctor should refuse because he is obeying God’s higher law. A soldier who is told to shoot an unarmed civilian is correct in disobeying that order, as was shown in WWII by Nazi prison guards. If your husband tells you to violate God’s higher law, you have every right to disobey him to be in obedience to God.
Acts 5:29 Then Peter and the [other] apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men.

What if my husband wants me to do something silly or stupid?
When a person enters the military, he is often given tasks that may seem silly or have no purpose, like saluting a garbage can, digging a hole only to fill it and then dig it again. The purpose of these exercises is to teach that person to obey without question an order that doesn’t seem to make any sense. That person may someday be sent to a battlefield without knowing the complete plan, only the small part that he has been assigned to him. He may not be informed of land mines in areas that he was not assigned. And his obeying an order to be at a certain place at a certain time may influence the results of the overall battle. When that soldier goes to war he will no longer be saluting garbage cans, his leaders can rely on his willingness to obey orders. Your husband may similarly have you doing silly things until he can rely on your submission.

As for your husband doing something that might be “stupid”, there are two basic categories;
• Dumb, but not dangerous.
Experience is sometimes the best teacher. Sometimes allowing a person to fail is the only way that they will learn.

• Dumb and dangerous.
Sometimes you may have to intervene in a situation that may result in actual harm. Take the example of Nabal and his wife Abigail as found in 1 Sam 25. Nabal had just insulted David, and he was in danger of losing his life, even though he didn’t know it. His wife found out about the danger that he was in and intervened for him, without his knowledge, and saved his life.
1Sa 25:24 And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let
this iniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid.
1Sa 25:25 Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial, even Nabal: for as his name is,so is he; Nabal is his name, and folly is with him: but I thine handmaid saw not the young men of my lord, whom thou didst send.

What if my husband isn’t living for Christ.
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
You will notice that “that, if any obey not the word” and does not say that he isn’t saved. Men are visual, wives are a type of the bride of Christ, she shows her husband and children how the bride of Christ submits to Christ the groom. You are a living lesson to your husband even without words.

What About? What about the verse Ephesians 5:21?
Ephesians 5:21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
This verse would seem to indicate that the husband should also submit to the wife,but this verse was actually written to the whole church of Ephesus. That verse says that we all, both male and female, are members of the bride of Christ and we are to submit to all other believers, which is the guy in the pew behind you in church, and also his wife, and his children, or any other believer. This is the principle known as (JOY) Jesus,others, yourself ( JOY ), and the other brother principle.
Php 2:4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
Rom 15:1 We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.
Rom 15:2 Let every one of us please [his] neighbour for [his] good to edification.
Wives as believers are also to submit to any other believer in this sense, but they are further instructed to go beyond that level of submission when dealing with their husbands. Submitting to them as they would submit to the Lord.
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Some preachers teach that submission and obedience are two different things.
The dictionary definition of submission is; the state of being obedient : the act of accepting the authority or control of someone else.
Strong’s definition of submit is ; g5293. ὑποτάσσω hypotassō; from 5259 and 5021; to subordinate; reflexively, to obey: — be under obedience (obedient), put under, subdue unto, (be, make) subject (to, unto), be (put) in subjection (to, under), submit self unto.
We are to submit to God, is obedience to Him optional?
Jas 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
We are to submit ourselves to the government, is that obedience optional?
1Pe 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;

God commands the wife to be obedient.
1Tim 2:11-12 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
1Co 14:34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.

How can you teach younger women to be obedient to their own husbands without believing it yourself?
Tit 2:3-5 The aged women likewise, that [they be] in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, [To be] discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

I have been the “leader”, what do I do now.
Your husband may have surrendered his position as leader of the family years ago. You may be the only one working. He may be spending his whole day on video games, alcohol, drugs, etc. Your whole family depends on your paycheck to survive. You may be the bible student of the family.
First, start from where you are at. Have a conversation with him, discuss your desire to honor him as leader. Find any areas of your lives that he would be willing to take leadership in, and then actually give him full support in that area. Be willing to see him stumble, without your criticism. As he gains confidence in one area of leadership, encourage him to take leadership in other areas.
As for the spiritual leadership, start slow. Start with the milk of the word, asking for a joint bible study in a book like John. Allow him to designate who will read a passage, and then ask him, to give his thoughts about that passage. Ask simple questions, sticking with milk questions. He may not get the correct interpretation, but try not correct his analysis. Full leadership may take years, or he may never fully accept the responsibility that he should have.

Second, advise other women seeking marriage to marry a man who is responsible, and he should be a man that you respect. He should not only be responsible in his work habits, but more importantly, he should be responsible to God. Marrying a man that you do not respect, and having to submit to him in everything, wow.
Back in the days of Christ, the time of engagement, or as it is stated in Matthew, “being espoused”, was a critical time to gauge the responsibility of the future husband, and the submission of the future wife. This was a time that for all intents and purposes the couple is married, living separately, and keeping her virginity. God recognizes the seriousness of this time as seen in the Christmas story.
Mat 1:18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.
Mat 1:19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.
You will notice that Mary was espoused, but what title did God give to Joseph? He called him “her husband”, even though they got married later on.
Mat 1:20 But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.
You will notice that he says “Mary thy wife” not “to take Mary as your wife”. So God used this time as sort of “trial marriage”, for them while Mary remained a virgin.
She fully submitted herself to Joseph, even giving full legal control of her life to him. He had just found out that she was pregnant, and he knew that he wasn’t the father. So he was deciding her future without discussing it with her first. He was taking responsibility for her life, wanting to do what was best for her, even though he believed she had been unfaithful. He had took his responsibility to God seriously in insisting that she keep her virginity.

This type of engagement has its pros and cons.
Pros:
You can see if your future spouse is responsible, or submissive, before God joins you both in marriage.
You can cancel the marriage instead of getting a divorce, should you find that the this is not the one for you. God does not consider you to be one flesh, until the marriage is consummated.

Cons:
One or both of you could lose a great deal of money, or other valuable items. Giving full legal control to someone else, takes a great deal of faith, and there are those who will abuse that trust.

I have a wife that gives me little or no sex, what do I do?

This is a question millions of men ask every day. Other men have to buy flowers, candy, “wine and dine” their wives for a chance in the bedroom. Millions of men are stuck in a marriage with little or no sex because God has said not to divorce your wife.

And to be honest, I don’t know what to tell them. I guess my only advice would be:
15. Be prepared for Satan to attack. It’s guaranteed
16. to find a church where the pastor understands the real reason for marriage, a contract between two people to deal with sexual temptation, and he is willing to tell women not to get married if they are not willing to make that a lifetime commitment.
17. Love your wife anyway. Christ loved even those who crucified him.
18. Encourage wives to read this article.
The man is the head as long as we say he is the head of “equals”.
It has to fit the pattern of God being the head of Jesus (I Corinthians 11:3). God doesn’t force, and Jesus doesn’t refuse to do, the Father’s will. Either – forcing or refusing – would be inappropriate.
Jesus is equal to the Father, in everything, yet He willingly submits to the Father. See chapter two. And the apostle Paul could have used that illustration, but he choose to use the example of the bride of Christ instead.
Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
The godly wife does not submit to her husband because of lack of equality. She submits to God first, and because of her love for God, and in obedience to Him, she submits to her husband.
Obedience to her husband could be considered a byproduct of her submission to God, not the worthiness of her husband.

As a citizen of the United States of America, I am equal to any judge out there. However if I am in his courtroom, his place of authority, I am no longer an equal. He can put me in contempt for my words or actions at his discretion.
In Christ there is neither male nor female, however in my position of head of my wife, I have the authority to lead her. We often think of our equality in our marriage as individuals, try to picture equality in terms of a meeting between a general and private. In many ways they are both equal, however one is under the authority of the other. One can freely give the other orders, while the other can only comply with those orders.
As a believer in Jesus, I have equality with my pastor. However as my pastor, he will have authority over me. A pastor will be accountable to God for his flock. However, the church in Berea was commended for searching the scriptures to verify the pastor’s teaching.

Why the wife?
Before the fall there was equality in the relationship between the husband and his wife.
Gen 3:6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
Some commentators believe that she was willingly submissive before the fall, but she wasn’t placed under her husbands authority until the fall. You will see that she made her own decision, she saw, she took, she ate. God had commanded Adam before He created Eve, not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Gen 2:16 And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:
Gen 2:17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.
Adam had told her of God’s command and he was the one who had added the restriction of not touching.
Gen 3:3 But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
So Eve knew of God’s command, and she had Adams instruction, but she made her own decision. We think of Eve as an individual, but God judged her as a woman, and also as a representative of all women. Note that she was given pain in childbirth, which is exclusive to females, and that same pain in childbirth was passed to all her female descendants. And God also judged her relationship in her marriage, she would now be under her husbands authority.
Gen 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Because of her bad decision, God gave her husband or father veto power over future decisions.
Num 30:13 Every vow, and every binding oath to afflict the soul, her husband may establish it, or her husband may make it void. In heaven that curse will be lifted, and equality restored.
Mat 22:30 For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.

Adam was judged because he choose her instead of obeying God.
Gen 3:17 And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat ofit all the days of thy life;
Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife

Chapter 8 – Salvation

I have included a section on salvation because I know that not only everyone reading this will be saved, and the advice given about leadership and marriage will not make a lot of sense to someone who doesn’t know the saving love of Jesus.

These are things that you must do in order to be saved.

• Believe in the existence of God.

Heb 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

At some time in our past, almost everybody in America believed in the existence of God. Evolution was just some wild theory that was held by just a few kooks. But nowadays, evolution is taught as fact in most of our public schools. This has lead to most people no longer believing in the existence of God. Belief in God, and the fact that He was the One who created everything, is the foundation of salvation, is no longer considered to be the norm today. Without that foundation of belief in the existence of God, you cannot be saved. So we will spend a little time trying to disprove evolution.

Rom 1:20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, [even] his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:

So the invisible things are clearly seen, and we see this in the symmetry seen throughout all nature, take the bee for example. Even assuming that it could understand the concept of flight, and assuming that he could force his body to produce wings, having perfectly symmetrical wings is essential to flight. One wing longer or shorter than than the other, one wing not even with the other on the body, will result in the bee not being able to fly. If evolution was true there would be birds with wings on their bellies, or feet, and there would be some with non symmetrical wings, animals with uneven legs.

This symmetry cannot be accidental, we believe that this symmetry comes from a Great Artist, Creator, Whom we choose to call God. That handiwork of this Great Artist’s is there in nature, if you only chose to look for it, . We believe that there is no such things as missing links, only the same strokes used by The Great Painter when He created different animals, birds, flowers etc. Open your eyes and you will see His brush strokes, even in your mirror at home.

The Bible tells us ;
Gen 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
From the scriptures we learn that God is all powerful, all knowing, He is everywhere. He is outside of time and space. That He created everything.

Gen 1:26 And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness:
From this verse we learn two important facts.
1. God created mankind
2. God said “let us make man”. God identifies Himself as more than just one personality. We find out that God is a trinity.
1Jn 5:7 For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one.

There is God the Father, God the Son (the Word), and God the Holy Spirit (the Holy Ghost). Each one is God, and has all the attributes of God, all powerful, all knowing, all wise. He is also a spirit, not limited by time and space. But He has two attributes that we want to focus on, His holiness, and His love.
Both of these truths are found throughout the Scriptures.

1Pe 1:16 Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.
1Jn 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
Eph 2:4 But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,

Because God is holy, He hates both sin and pride.

Pro 8:13 The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.
Hab 1:13a You are of purer eyes than to behold evil, and canst not look on iniquity:

Even God has some laws that He has to obey. One of those laws is that the results of sin is death.
Rom 6:23a For the wages of sin is death;
Man was created without sin, but he rebelled against God. But because of that rebellion, God being holy, had to separate Himself from man until the sin issue was dealt with. Because of the love that God had for man, He provided a path to deal with man’s sin. The result of sin is still death, but God allowed that sin to be transferred to a substitute.

Heb 9:22 And almost all things are by the law purged with blood; and without shedding of blood is no remission.
Lev 17:11 For the life of the flesh is in the blood: and I have given it to you upon the altar to make an atonement for your souls: for it is the blood that maketh an atonement for the soul.

God allowed animals to be used as a temporary substitute.

Lev 1:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, If any man of you bring an offering unto the LORD, ye shall bring your offering of the cattle, even of the herd, and of the flock.
Lev 1:3 If his offering be a burnt sacrifice of the herd, let him offer a male without blemish: he shall offer it of his own voluntary will at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation before the LORD.
Lev 1:4 And he shall put his hand upon the head of the burnt offering; and it shall be accepted for him to make atonement for him.
Lev 1:5 And he shall kill the bullock before the LORD: and the priests, Aaron’s sons, shall bring the blood, and sprinkle the blood round about upon the altar that is by the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

Because God takes sin so seriously, He required the sinner to look the animal that was going to bear his sin right in the eyes. He had to place his hands on the animal’s head, and he was the one to kill that animal.
God could now have fellowship with that person, now that the sin issue was dealt with.
But as stated above, that sacrifice was only temporary because the animal could not willingly take the sin upon itself.

Heb 10:4 For it is not possible that the blood of bulls and of goats should take away sins.

Because of the love that God had for us, He came up with a solution to that problem. He decided that Christ (God the Son, Himself) would be that sacrifice for those He loved, but as God, He lacked the blood needed for that sacrifice. The solution was for Him to take on the form of a human to have the blood required to shed to pay the price of our sins. That was the Christmas story, where God the Son, humbled Himself, and was born a human.
Heb 10:5 Wherefore when he cometh into the world, he saith, Sacrifice and offering thou wouldest not, but a body hast thou prepared me:

The Israelis understood what John the Baptist meant when he said:
Joh 1:29 The next day John seeth Jesus coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.

• Christ chose to be that sacrifice for us.

Heb 9:12 Neither by the blood of goats and calves, but by his own blood he entered in once into the holy place, having obtained eternal redemption [for us].
1Pet 1:18,19

• God’s plan of salvation.

God wants to have fellowship with us but He is Holy. He hates sin, and He will not allow it to be in His presence.

Hab 1:13a You are of purer eyes than to behold evil,
Psa 5:4 For You are not a God that enjoys wickedness; nor shall evil dwell with You.

God’s standard to enter heaven is a sinless life, He cannot allow a person with even one unforgiven sin to enter heaven with Him because He hates sin. We as humans are no longer able to have fellowship with God because of that sin. God wanted to bridge the gulf that existed between sinful man and a Holy God. But even God has laws that He has to observe. One of those laws is the spiritual law that blood must be used to pay for sin.

• Believe that Jesus is God.

Joh 8:24 I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins.
Joh 5:18 Therefore the Jews sought the more to kill him, because he not only had broken the sabbath, but said also that God was his Father, making himself equal with God.
Joh 10:30 I and my Father are one.

• Believe that Jesus, God the Son came to earth.

Joh 1:10-11 He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not. He came unto his own, and his own received him not.

• Believe that Jesus died for our sins.

Rom 5:8 But God commends His love toward us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us.
Rom 5:9 Much more then, being now justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.

• Believe that Jesus was buried, and rose again from the dead, paying the full price of our sins.

1Co 15:1 And, brothers, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you have received, and in which you stand;
1Co 15:3-4 For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received, that Christ died for our sins, according to the Scriptures, and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures;
2Co 5:21 For He has made Him who knew no sin, to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

• Acknowledge that you are a sinner.

Admit that you are a sinner and that you do not have any righteousness of your own to stand before a Holy God. There are no good works that you could possibly do to merit His favor.

Rom 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Rom 3:10-12 as it is written: There is none righteous, no not one; there is none that understands, there is none that seeks after God. They are all gone out of the way, they have together become unprofitable, there is none that does good, no, not one.
Rom 5:12 Therefore, even as through one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin, and so death passed on all men inasmuch as all sinned:

• Repent from your sins.

Luk 13:3 I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
2Co 7:10 For the grief according to God works repentance to salvation, not to be regretted, but the grief of the world works out death.
2Pe 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
Act 17:30, Act 20:21, Rom 2:4

Repentance is having the desire to turn away from your sin.

Psa 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

• Accept the free gift of salvation.

Rom 5:15-18 But not as the offence, so also is the free gift. For if through the offence of one many be dead, much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace, which is by one man, Jesus Christ, hath abounded unto many. And not as it was by one that sinned, so is the gift: for the judgment was by one to condemnation, but the free gift is of many offences unto justification. For if by one man’s offence death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.) Therefore as by the offence of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life.
Rom 6:23, Rom 4:5, Mar 10:26-27

Please know that if you do accept that gift of salvation with a repentant heart, believing that that sacrifice of Jesus is the only payment that a Holy God requires for you to be saved, that the bible tells you that you now belong to Him, you are now His child.

Joh 1:12 But as many as received Him, He gave to them authority to become the children of God, to those who believe on His name,
Joh 3:36 He who believes on the Son has everlasting life, and he who does not believe the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides upon him.
Rom 10:9

Please understand that God has paid the full price for your salvation. We can add nothing to what Jesus has done for us on Calvary. To say that Christ didn’t do it all is to diminish His sacrifice, and say that God didn’t do enough, and God wants nothing to diminish the sacrifice of His Son.

Eph 2:8-9 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.
1Co 1:29 That no flesh should glory in his presence.

There is nothing that we have done on our part in the salvation process except believe and repent. So we have nothing to boast about except how much faith we had, or how fervently we repented. But God doesn’t want us to even boast about anything in heaven, even those things..

Gal 3:22 But the scripture hath concluded all under sin, that the promise by faith of Jesus Christ might be given to them that believe.

You will notice that the faith of Jesus Christ is given to believers. Perfect faith, with no doubts, no doctrinal faults. That faith is a gift of God. It is not our faith, but it is that of our Saviors.

Eph 2:8-9 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.

Please note that we are saved through faith, and that faith that saves us is not of ourselves, it is not your faith but that of Christ. That faith is also a gift, so that we have nothing to boast about in heaven, even how much faith we had.

Gal 2:16 Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified.
Rom 12:3 For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

Our faith is like a light switch, a small flick of our finger can turn on the tremendous amount of power of the faith of Christ.

Mar 9:24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

OK, we can see that even faith is a gift of God, what about repentance? Repentance is also a gift of God given to those who truly desire to turn from their sins.

2Ti 2:25 in meekness instructing those who oppose, if perhaps God will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth,
Act 5:31

God is the One who will take out your stony heart and give you a new one if you desire to turn from your sinful ways.

Eze 36:26 A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.
Rom 9:16 So then [it is] not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy.
Rom 9:15-18

Repentance without God given repentance is just tears.

Heb 12:16-17 Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright. For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.

Tell others, Find a good Biblical Church.

Rom 10:9 Because if you confess the Lord Jesus, and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved.
Rom 10:10 For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth one confesses unto salvation.

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Dvh7@hotmail.com
Please put the word leadership in the subject line.

For His Glory!
Thank you.

 

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